I’m not sure if I've ever actually said this, but I love
writing novels. I also hate writing novels, but even then I still love it.
The last time I wrote a blog, I was feeling rather
discontent with the book I am currently writing. But given the fact that the
last time I wrote a blog was February 9th, I have had a lot of time
to change my mind.
Recently I have fallen in love with this book all over
again. It is very rare for me to find characters that I am passionate enough
about write a book about them. There are even cases where I have written an
entire book and not been passionate about the characters.
I haven’t had characters I truly loved since CONSEQUENCE,
not until now (or until August, when I started writing my current book). The
other day I realized something bittersweet: I had barely thought about the
characters from my trilogy in about six months, not since I started school.
I remember the night before my first day of school, and when
I was halfway between dreaming and waking, I had this image in my head. All my
characters were gathered around me, and they were telling me that it was okay,
that I had to move forward, not just stay trapped in a time capsule of my own
creating. Then all the characters disappeared, save for Phoenix and her offspring. She gathered her
daughters around her protectively, and hissed ‘They’re mine now. You can’t hurt
them any more.’ Of course she would stay true to her personality even in a
dream…
Since then I have hardly
thought about my characters. The only times they’re entered my mind have been
when I've seen things that remind me of them. I can’t see the actress Isabelle
Fuhrman without thinking of my book, because she is how I pictured Phoenix to look right
from the beginning, and the actress Molly Quinn looks a lot like how I pictured
Persephone. And for some bizarre reason, Herr Flick from ‘Allo ‘Allo reminds me
of the Tsar. I don’t even know why that is…it must be the blonde hair or
something.
In August I began writing a
book called The Choices We Made.
Before I started writing, I created a framework for the world it was set in,
and did a lot of planning, which I generally don’t do. Because of school, I
have not had the time to write much (the book now sits at 25,020 words, and
I've been writing it for nearly eight months.) But I don’t think lack of time
is the only reason I have written so little.
Some books need time to
mature. TRANSCEND was one of these books. In November it was one year since I
finished the first draft of TRANSCEND, and it is still not quite ready for
publication.
The Choices We Made is perhaps more mature than I am. One of my
worries with this book is that it will be dismissed as a book for teenagers
because I was fifteen when I started writing it, and if I get my act together
it will be completed whilst I am still sixteen. Despite my age, this book is
not solely for teenagers. I’m not writing this book for a particular audience –
to be honest, I haven’t even decided if I want people to read it – but if it
were directed at a particular age group, it would be adults, not teenagers.
The book has this maturity,
this adult depth to it that I am not even sure how I wrote. This book has a
power I didn't believe I was capable. There are times when I read my own
writing and think how did I write this?
There are also times when I
think why did I write this? An
example of this was in my English Language mock exam in October. There was this
mundane question of ‘What is the best thing you have eaten?’ and I didn't want
to write an essay about something boring like that, so I made a risky decision:
I wrote that the best thing I had ever eaten was the heart of a cheating ex
husband. I even gave a description of murdering him and removing his heart and
frying it. The only lines I remember are: ‘so I decided to confront him: with a
meat cleaver.’ And: ‘as I swallowed the last mouthful, I glanced down at my
stomach, and whispered: “Eat your heart out, Joe.”’ I think I really freaked
out my English teacher.
The worst part is that I did
it again. I mean, I didn't write about eating hearts again, but I did push the
boundaries of what one should write on an exam paper. Last week at school we
were doing mock exams (again), and on the English Language one there was this
really mundane question of ‘What is your favourite place?’ and I wrote that my
favourite place was an abandoned exam hall that zombies had invaded when they
were looking for brains to eat, but that they only found one brain in the
entire hall. This somehow turned into a morbid poem about how the zombies are
lurking inside the walls and if you have a brain they will kill you.
My English teacher hasn't
finished marking the exams yet, so I don’t think she’s read it. Though the
other day, when she was looking through my coursework, she said that I have a “gothic”
imagination. I quite like that description – it sounds far more elegant than “warped”
or “twisted” or any of the other terms I use to describe myself.
I don’t know what it is that
possesses me to write all that warped stuff. Perhaps it’s because I like to
write things that are different, and it’s a bonus if I can freak people out.
With The Choices We Made, my “let’s scare everybody!” technique of
writing hasn't come into play (Thankfully!). There are no robots, no crazy
scientists, no all-powerful Tsars trying to take over the world. Granted, it’s
set in a different world and the main character is going to become a dictator,
but the book is about human nature.
CONSEQUENCE was also about
human nature, but The Choices We Made
doesn't have all the science-fantasy props. The story and the characters speak
for themselves.
That’s one of the reasons I
love writing this book: it’s about humans, and about what drives a person to
betray those that they care for. I think, ultimately The Choices We Made is about loyalty and sacrifice, and about how
one determines where one’s loyalties lie.
My main character is
generally very good in terms of following the storylines I set out for her, but
one area where she has not done this is currently having adverse effects on my
plot. How can she choose to practically lead the dude to his own execution if
she’s falling in love with him? I currently have a rule where I won’t let my
characters say ‘I love you’ because it will cause too many complications
further down the line. The only problem with this is that, in spite of my
sinister, morbid, gothic imagination, I am still a complete romantic, and all I
want is for my characters to live happily ever after in a castle in the clouds.
And when that gets boring, the castle will fall back down to earth because it
has no foundations, and my characters can go back to the position they started
in.
The truth is that I do not
write things because they’re mental or because it’s fun to freak people out or
make people question my sanity… I write the story that I need to write, that is
all.
